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jc1982
  1. just thinking
    1st Jun 2009 09:37
    15 years, 5 months & 2 days ago
  2. my life on a sinking ship
    1st Jan 2009 13:45
    15 years & 10 months ago
  3. sometimes it hurts
    9th Dec 2008 09:16
    15 years, 10 months & 23 days ago
just thinking
15 years, 5 months & 2 days ago
1st Jun 2009 09:37

Its been over 5 months since you left us. Things could be better but I'm not complaining. Mom spends most of her time hiding behind God so she don't have to hurt as bad. Its ok as long as it works for her. Andy still lives 20 miles away. You should see his kids now. Jossalyn is at tht shy age but still adorable as ever. Iseah put on some weight and already almost out weighs his big sister. Dan, well hes with Tina again and shes worse then before. Her compulsive gambling habbit loses all her money and she takes it out on Dan like hes the one pulling the lever. Its a bad addiction to have but her attitude that comes with it sux. Shes not allowed in my house after gambling. Unless she wins cause then shes not yelling at anyone. April is home now too. Shes been staying with Brian again. What is with those two? Not wanting to make a change in their life so they stay with the ones tht drive them nuts or makes them feel misserable. Brian is posessive, he took her computer away, her ps3, made her get rid of all her games. He don't even want her talking to another guy. Sometimes I'm glad I'm single.
Me? I've been the same you know, working here and there. Helping out the elderly do things they can no longer do themselves. Do you check in on us from time to time or am I alone here? I think about you every day and wonder if you new something we didn't. They said it was put on your chart over two yrs ago that you had COPD. I don't see them keeping tht to themselves. I can't help but feel that you knew and just didn't tell us.
I know I only visited you once when you were in the hospital those ten days. I saw in your eyes that you didn't want me there anyways. You knew how emmotional I get and I knew you were dying. I'm sorry if I was not that great of a son. I miss you. I still remember you. love ya pop.

my life on a sinking ship
15 years & 10 months ago
1st Jan 2009 13:45

My story start when I was just 15. Thts when the reality of life began to show me its true colors. My brother Toby, also my fishing buddy growing up. He was always in and out of jail cause he could not stop drinking. his wife left him took his kids and his home. He was a heavy drinker and she would not live with tht. well he met Lisa Matlock shortly after his seperation with his wife and they went to the bar to drink. She was huggin and kissing all over another guy and he got upset and dumped a glass of water on her. The bar tender called the police and had him arrested for assult. The next day I went to school like every day durring the week. Durring third hour I got a page asking me to come to the office and my princeapal was waiting for me. He told me there was a tall guy in a black uniform waiting around the corner. At this time I thought they had found the cigs in my locker. I walked around the corner to see the son of my moms paster standing there. As I was walking outside I noticed my other brother David sitting in the car and instantly new something was wrong. We were taken home and when we walked in the door we noticed our mother crying over the counter and my dad pacing back and fourth in the kitchen. I ran up to my room and locked the door. I already knew what they were going to tell me. They said tht my brother had hung himself in jail. They did an investigation to discover what exactly took place. They discovered his dominate arm was broken, after they said he riped a wool blanket to make a nuse. Anyone who has ever had a wool anything knows its hard to rip it let alone rip it with a broken arm. They also found he had multiple fractures in his skull. Irronically the three hours it took him to do this were errased from the servalance tape. With tht there was not enough evidance to show what exactly took place tht night so the case was droped. My brothers ex wife got $300k for neglagence to do their jobs and check on the prisoners. This case drug on for two yrs. We were the talk of the town and front page news every day cept sunday. The police phone records were not allowed to be presented in court as it was an invasion of their privacy. Anything to keep the truth from getting out. The phone records stated Robby Bass " A jailer at the tazewell county jail" " its bad news, We need someone to help us clean up this mess." The other voice replies " what happend, Robby told him tht he was dead, tht they needed to find a way to make it look like an accident" they hung up. dig as much as you want. From jan 22 1998 in Pekin illinois and inmate "Stephen Christopher Carson" Hung himself in the Tazewell county jail. There was no closier for my family and I. We got several collect phone calls from inmates telling us they were beating him as he cried out for his mother. Their testamony was thrown out in court as they were criminals and could be lying. Those calls continued even after the case was dismissed. Some call came from inmates who were in jail at the time but released shortly after with no charges pressed if they remained sillent. they only reason they have stopped calling is cause they had our number changed. One of these days I'm hoping to be smart enough to fight the system and brush off the dust on my brothers case. I'm going to show everyone the snake in our justice department. When I do this city will burn to ashes. I can't say much of anything else but I will say tht I will get closier. My family deserves to know the truth even if its gut wrenching. Its to late for my dad as he passed away Dec 8 2008. He already knows the truth though and hes the only one of us who does.

sometimes it hurts
15 years, 10 months & 23 days ago
9th Dec 2008 09:16

I thought he was going to be here for christmas this yr. the dr told us he had 3 months or less but tht was last week. He didn't make it tht long though. His choice though everyone. He did not want to live on machines.


On thanksgiving my dad went into the hptal with COPD and pnamohnia. while there they gave us hope by telling us they did not find any cancer and two days later they called back saying they found cancer in his heart. They gave gim three months to live. While they were trying to take him off the ventalators they found blood clotts on and around his lungs. at this point we're thinking whats the deal? Well they kept trying to slowly pull him off all the tubes and discovered his lungs filling up with blood. It was over. They said the only way for him to live any longer was to stay in th hptal on the vent. He told them he did not want to live on machines so they waited till the whole family was up there to start the morphine and take him off the machines. not even 45 mins later he was gone. He did not cry. If tht was me I would have been scared.I wont cry now either though. My strength will help carry the rest of my family through this. I just wanted to share some things with all of you.


My dad was 62 yrs old. He served 4 yrs in the united states navy. Durring his time in the navy he went awol to marry my mother. He did go back and serve the rest of his time. After getting out of the navy he became a volunteer fire fighter out in N. Pekin and worked at caterpillar for 30 yrs before retiring. Him and my mother were married for a lil over 35 yrs. You don't find love like tht very much anymore.

Wed they have having a military ceramony for him. Where he will be honored with a 21 gun sallute. He asked to be cremated and to have a cup of his ashes held on to until after my mother passes. When she passes we are to take a cup of her ashes and put them with his. Then we are to shake them up to mix em together and they want to be spread on my brother toby's grave.

whispers in the wind

To me you were not just a father, you were my hero

the roll model I never got the chance to follow in your lead.

We think about you but we smile about all the times we shared.

you were the strong sillent type but we always knew you cared.

Our past is filled with great memories tht give us hope for the future.

Its hard to think about the night you left this dreadful corrupted place.

In our hearts we feel your love, in our minds we see your face

We will miss you pop, you really were a great man.

A loving husband and the worlds greatest dad.

Say hi to toby for us, we will see you again some day.

Without you here the world is a lesser place.

J.C.

  1. just thinking
    1st Jun 2009 09:37
    15 years, 5 months & 2 days ago
  2. my life on a sinking ship
    1st Jan 2009 13:45
    15 years & 10 months ago
  3. sometimes it hurts
    9th Dec 2008 09:16
    15 years, 10 months & 23 days ago