just thinking

Its been over 5 months since you left us. Things could be better but I'm not complaining. Mom spends most of her time hiding behind God so she don't have to hurt as bad. Its ok as long as it works for her. Andy still lives 20 miles away. You should see his kids now. Jossalyn is at tht shy age but still adorable as ever. Iseah put on some weight and already almost out weighs his big sister. Dan, well hes with Tina again and shes worse then before. Her compulsive gambling habbit loses all her money and she takes it out on Dan like hes the one pulling the lever. Its a bad addiction to have but her attitude that comes with it sux. Shes not allowed in my house after gambling. Unless she wins cause then shes not yelling at anyone. April is home now too. Shes been staying with Brian again. What is with those two? Not wanting to make a change in their life so they stay with the ones tht drive them nuts or makes them feel misserable. Brian is posessive, he took her computer away, her ps3, made her get rid of all her games. He don't even want her talking to another guy. Sometimes I'm glad I'm single.
Me? I've been the same you know, working here and there. Helping out the elderly do things they can no longer do themselves. Do you check in on us from time to time or am I alone here? I think about you every day and wonder if you new something we didn't. They said it was put on your chart over two yrs ago that you had COPD. I don't see them keeping tht to themselves. I can't help but feel that you knew and just didn't tell us.
I know I only visited you once when you were in the hospital those ten days. I saw in your eyes that you didn't want me there anyways. You knew how emmotional I get and I knew you were dying. I'm sorry if I was not that great of a son. I miss you. I still remember you. love ya pop.