I'm so so so sorry for your loss <3
I'm sending you a million bear hugs and good thoughts. I of course can't understand what you're going through exactly but my dad has a fatal illness that is fairly quick so I know a little about losing a loved one. I've already said it but I'll say it again- I'm here for you. You're so loved and it feels like your whole world is crushing down and it's going to be hard the rest of your life. But it will get better and you'll find happiness again. Be kind to yourself, mkay?