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Terrminated
  1. Ignorance and Innocence
    28th Mar 2011 22:57
    13 years, 7 months & 6 days ago
  2. PISCES; breeding
    14th Feb 2011 00:29
    13 years, 8 months & 19 days ago
  3. PISCES; shoppe
    12th Feb 2011 23:01
    13 years, 8 months & 20 days ago
  4. PISCES; owners
    12th Feb 2011 18:51
    13 years, 8 months & 20 days ago
  5. PISCES; info
    25th Nov 2010 01:50
    13 years, 11 months & 8 days ago
  6. I am a girl. (I hope)
    3rd Jul 2010 03:37
    14 years, 4 months & 2 days ago
  7. When the Imagination Runs Wild
    24th May 2010 20:17
    14 years, 5 months & 10 days ago
  8. A Cocoon of Lust
    6th Apr 2010 23:19
    14 years, 6 months & 28 days ago
  9. Unamed Story part 1
    26th Jan 2010 22:42
    14 years, 9 months & 6 days ago
  10. Saye's Story Introductory
    9th Jan 2010 21:03
    14 years, 9 months & 23 days ago
A Cocoon of Lust
14 years, 6 months & 28 days ago
6th Apr 2010 23:19

You are so handsome,
Like the Knight I've always dreamed of.
My Knight in armor gleaming in the sun,
My Knight who would never harm me.

I am foolish as the mouse who goes looking for the cat.

You killed us off,
One by one.
Making our hearts flutter,
Like the new butterfly.

You cast a spell.

One by one you took us home,
Enchanting us with your beauty.
Your grace of a cat,
Your brutal strength of bear.

You had us.

You did to them what you do to me now,
Wrapping me in silk of soft lust,
Slowly killing me.
And I love it.

You have me.

I have become the mouse,
Willingly submitting to the great cat.
First to be toyed with.
Then to be devoured.

You have always been the cat.

You watch me like the spider does the fly,
As I frantically try to break through the silk.
The silk of lust.
You savour it.

And I do as well.

I love to see the madness of a rabid wolf,
Gleaming in your wild eyes.
I love to feel your hands on my body,
Hurting me in ways I never believed.

There's no breaking free.

There is no running.
No hiding from you, my Knight.
A corrupted Knight, with the face of a roaring tiger,
With the power to make me want you as I have never wanted.

I am the maiden in distress.

You are the Knight who saves me,
Yet also the Dragon who holds me.
I must submit.
I will die.

And I will love every second of it.

You come to me now,
With a wolfish grin.
The strings of silken lust tighten.
I reach for you.

You come in for the kill.

Your teeth are dripping with blood.
The blood of another maiden,
Another mouse.
I willingly come to you.

You tear at my flesh.

Like the River carving the canyon,
Like the wolf gnawing on the bone,
Your hands rip into my naked muscle.
I feel it, the pain and misery.

I want it.

I want you.
I want you to dig your teeth into me,
To rupture my veins.
I close my eyes.

The cocoon of lust finally suffocates me.

The sun is black,
The world is blood.
The last thing I remember,
That last thing that makes the lust all make sense,

Is the feel of your bloody lips against mine.

/coughs

Hello, random person I happened to come across who isn't on my best friends list and whose club I am not currently part of.

I'm sorry... Did I get too carried away?

Anywais...

I can tell that this is very rough, but for a first draft thingy it's very good. Draws me in right away. Certainly the kind of thing I love to read, being the sort of sadistic person I am.

I actually am fond of the repetition. I feel that it just has a more powerful impact that way.

The one line I don't like:

I am foolish as the mouse who goes looking for the cat.

It's good but for some reason I feel like it sticks out. Just a matter of personal opinion.

Will you be converting this into a story? /holds breath and hopes for the best

Well done, random person I don't know who isn't on my friend list in FS and who I have never ever met before.
114 years, 6 months & 25 days ago 10th Apr 2010 08:05
 
Ohmygawd I love it random person who I don't know... -Cough- Dez -Cough-

You got me hooked onto the end but you kept on repeating the wolf, and the silk idea, (I just don't like repition x3 Im wierd that way). It was very passionate, something that I adore about you. The writing is skilled and the way you placed everything together was made of a brilliant author in the waiting.

9/10 Dez-La! I mean random.
114 years, 6 months & 27 days ago 8th Apr 2010 04:00
 
Thanks. >]
114 years, 6 months & 27 days ago 7th Apr 2010 21:34
 
As absentwriter said, it was very passionate but I kept getting the feeling you were repeating yourself, especially about the wolf and the silk(but the silk thing is okay to repeat a few times, hence the name of the poem). Other than that it was pretty entrancing poem, had good imagery, and a interesting topic.

Sorry if this doesn't help but I tried.

???Kionna???
114 years, 6 months & 27 days ago 7th Apr 2010 21:01
 
Oh wow, i love it.
-bows down to Dez-
114 years, 6 months & 27 days ago 7th Apr 2010 17:54
 
I still think it sucks, though. ;P
114 years, 6 months & 28 days ago 7th Apr 2010 15:32
 
Lol, thanks Liv.
114 years, 6 months & 28 days ago 6th Apr 2010 23:49
 
Very...passionate. I'm not sure what word to describe it, but this poem is quite intense. It kept me on a hanging hook.

Though I may say I'm terrible at poem critiquing, at east it didn't rhyme.

Though it did have a AB effect.

Good job. =]
114 years, 6 months & 28 days ago 6th Apr 2010 23:43
 
  1. Ignorance and Innocence
    28th Mar 2011 22:57
    13 years, 7 months & 6 days ago
  2. PISCES; breeding
    14th Feb 2011 00:29
    13 years, 8 months & 19 days ago
  3. PISCES; shoppe
    12th Feb 2011 23:01
    13 years, 8 months & 20 days ago
  4. PISCES; owners
    12th Feb 2011 18:51
    13 years, 8 months & 20 days ago
  5. PISCES; info
    25th Nov 2010 01:50
    13 years, 11 months & 8 days ago
  6. I am a girl. (I hope)
    3rd Jul 2010 03:37
    14 years, 4 months & 2 days ago
  7. When the Imagination Runs Wild
    24th May 2010 20:17
    14 years, 5 months & 10 days ago
  8. A Cocoon of Lust
    6th Apr 2010 23:19
    14 years, 6 months & 28 days ago
  9. Unamed Story part 1
    26th Jan 2010 22:42
    14 years, 9 months & 6 days ago
  10. Saye's Story Introductory
    9th Jan 2010 21:03
    14 years, 9 months & 23 days ago