Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
Confuse traffic signs A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slowly?"
Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister; what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.
A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, "what's the problem officer?" To which the policeman responded, "I stopped you for running that red light behind you." Just then the man's wife leaned forward from the driver's seat and said with a very loud voice, "I told him to stop at that light. But did he listen? No. He just kept right on going."
The man then turned to his wife and yelled "Shut up stupid!" The policeman continued, "And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 M.P.H. and the speed limit is only 30." His wife then leaned forward again and squawked "I told him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me."
And again the man shouted at his wife "Listen stupid, I told you to SHUT UP!"
The policeman then looked at the woman and said "does he always talk to you this way?"
To which the woman responded, "Only when he has been drinking."
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass???? he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The rich man replied "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Yes?"
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
"8:25!"
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.
Smooth talkin' So rockin' A-he's got everything That a girl's wantin' Guitar cutie He plays it groovy And I can't keep myself From doing somethin' stupid Think I'm really falling for his smile Get butterflies when he says my name
[Chorus:] He's got something special He's got something special And when he's looking at me I wanna get it all sentimental He's got something special He's got something special I can hardly breathe Something's telling me Telling me maybe He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one
He's lightnin' Sparks are flyin' Everywhere I go He's always on my mind and I'm going crazy [ Hannah Montana Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ] About him lately And I can't help myself From how my heart is racin' Think I'm really diggin' on his vibe He really blows me away
[Repeat Chorus:]
And he's got a way Of making me feel Like everything I do is Perfectly fine The stars are aligned When I'm with him And I'm so into him
He's got something special He's got something special And when he's looking at me I wanna get all sentimental He's got something special He's got something special I can hardly breathe Something's telling me Telling me maybe He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one He could be the one
She's gotta do what she's gotta do And I've gotta like it or not She's got dreams too big for this town And she needs to give 'em a shot Whatever they are
Looks like she's all ready to leave Nothing left to pack There ain't no room for me in that car Even if she asked me to tag along God I gotta be strong
She's at the startin' line of the rest of her life As ready as she's ever been Got the hunger and the stars in her eyes The prize is hers to win She's waitin' on my blessings before she hits that open road Baby get ready Get set Don't go
She says things are fallen into place Feels like they're fallen apart I painted this big ol' smile on my face To hide my broken heart If only she knew This is where I don't say what I want so bad to say This is where I want to but I won't get in the way Of her and her dreams And spreadin' her wings
She's at the startin' line of the rest of her life As ready as she's ever been Got the hunger and the stars in her eyes The prize is hers to win She's waitin' on my blessings before she hits that open road Baby get ready Get set Don't go
She's at the startin' line of the rest of her life As ready as she's ever been Got the hunger and the stars in her eyes The prize is hers to win She's waitin' on my blessings before she hits that open road Baby get ready Get set Please don't go
Don't go Don't go She's gotta do what she's gotta do She's gotta do what she's gotta do
