Tome of Uncles: The Ultimate Noogie

Not too long forgotten in the in Avuncular Temple of Uncledom, there was a tonsured young uncle-monk named Nogerius Hunk.

Way the story goes is that Nogerious, being a Loki-like rapscallion, was prone to all manner of pranks and prods. All in good humor of course!

He'd wait at the temple gates for a caravan of nephews and neices to come visiting and wouldn't let them in until they helped him find where he dropped his pocket. Have em' that way for an hour or more before the ArchUncle done came out and got em!

In the courtyard, in the schoolhouse, and in the cafeteria Nogerious was one notorious truck of a goofball. However, he was real secretive-like at night. Everybody knew he was sneakin' out, tyin' those bedsheets together and droppin' down over the dang wall!

The night before UncFest 2000, where all the neices, nephews, brothers, sisters, and Uncles (heck, even a few cousins) would get together to celebrate their family uncle's graduation from the Uncademy, Nogerius was nowhere to be seen. Now, this concerned his good friend Howard Timpleton --who was a good Uncle in his own right.

Legend says that Timpleton snuck out that night too and in the breakfast hall nobody saw him or Nogerius all goddang morning! Now, we all know breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so that's just crazy talk for an Uncle to miss something like that!

A search party was organized and the Uncle-Elite were dispatched with their armada of especially good golden retrievers--chosen, of course, for their excellent retrieving capabilities. Good ol' dogs.

Too bad they weren't back at the Temple though cause ol' tricksy Nogerius and his pal Timpleton came back over the wall just as the caravan rolled in with all them family folks!

By the time the Uncle-Elite returned, the whole temple was in a panic! Nogerius and Timpleton had gone on a noogie-streak like nobody ever seen before and ain't nobody seen since!

The nephews were noogied, the neices were noogied, the sisters and brothers got noogied, even those pesky cousins couldn't hide from this ultimate display of noogification. Half of the Uncle-Elite started helping folks back up, lickin' their pocket rags and wipin' folk's noogie-marks with them, sayin, "You're okay, Sport-O," and the like.

The other half of the Uncle Elite made straight off for the ArchUncle's chambers. What they found, they'd never forget. The ArchUncle had gotten The Ultimate Noogie and was out cold from it. Poor guy's face was read and his hair was all twisted up.

Word at the temple is that he ArchUncle never fully recovered from that noogie and to this day his hair still grows up in a spiral like it got sucked down a toilet-hole.

What happened with Nogerius and Timpleton? Well, they managed to sneak off with their graduation certificates--prolly took those the night before and hid em' somewhere safe. No revokin' their Uncle certifications, they'd earned em' in stars and streams.

Although nobody ever heard from them again, its still a past-time of many an Uncle to try and perfect the ultimate noogie--although it is a forbidden art to put into use. Forbidden so long as the current ArchUncle holds the Avuncular Throne, that is.