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rehtsethewriter

Activity Log

The one problem with giving away all your LE's...

20th Apr 2014 08:45

10 years, 7 months & 9 days ago

<3 EEG- Thanks for participating!

4th Apr 2014 10:36

10 years, 7 months & 25 days ago

<3 EEG- FINAL EVENT- Angel Vixen and 500k Giveaway

3rd Apr 2014 10:16

10 years, 7 months & 26 days ago

<3 EEG: Event 3- Art Contest!

2nd Apr 2014 10:30

10 years, 7 months & 27 days ago

<3 EEG: Event 2- Draw! Giveaway!

1st Apr 2014 09:56

10 years, 7 months & 28 days ago

<3 EEG- WRITING CONTEST! Le/mp, item prizes!!

31st Mar 2014 13:37

10 years, 7 months & 29 days ago

<3Early Easter Giveaway Event Log *COME HERE*

31st Mar 2014 08:30

10 years, 7 months & 29 days ago

POST 1- EARLY EASTER GIVEAWAY (PREPERATION)

30th Mar 2014 21:48

10 years & 8 months ago

2013 Jack O Lantern Pictures

31st Oct 2013 15:17

11 years & 27 days ago

Greedy Gurtrude Log Attempt #2

29th Sep 2013 21:11

11 years, 1 month & 29 days ago

rehtsethewriter 6 Comments

Feedback on Chapter 1 please!?

11 years, 5 months & 17 days ago

11th Jun 2013 20:13

Hello ,

I would love for some feedback ASAP! It's a little long but if you complete it I'll send you little something as as a thanks Wide Grin

This is YA, it does have some light swearing, so know that. Nothing too bad though.

Link to chapter is here :
https://yarny.me/share/PJcbbc

QUESTIONS

1.Does it go too fast?

2.Is there anything as a reader you want explained immediately? (like things that seem immediately confusing, not like why people are this way or that etc)

3. What is your impression of the main character? World? Situation?

4. Would you want to keep reading?

5. If so, would you like to see the MC go straight to where he is headed and jump in learning stuff as you go OR would you rather have a flashback the next chapter about what led up to the events of chapter 1?

6. Any particular likes and dislikes, or anything else you would like to bring up!

Please post replies on this blog.

Thanks!

Zazey

I might jump around with the questions.

I enjoyed it. There were definitely moments where I thought wow, this girl can write.

A few grammatical errors.

The pace was fine, not too fast or too slow, but I would suggest building the characters a bit more.

The way you added little bits of information on the MC's surroundings and relationships was great. Such as him having to call his father General because of his recent promotion. Adding a bit more background info can go a long way.

5. To build suspense I would reveal the flashback later in the novel after the consequence has bloomed. If you wait long enough, and use most of the few beginning chapters to mainly show the MC as a flat, unchanging character, you can use the flashback as a twist to show the MC is not the uncaring waste of space he is made out to be.

Last thing I would mention is simply the writing style for just some of the lines. I wouldn't use "very, very bad" for instance. To make the writing more mature I would increase vocabulary (even if it is YA) and elongate sentences instead of having multiple, short sentences between dialogue. It's obvious you are capable of this or else I wouldn't even mention it.

I might not know you, but I'm proud of you! I love to see writers writing(:

I'm and English Lit/Creative Writing major at university by the way. Otherwise I wouldn't dream of giving you all this advice

11 years, 5 months & 9 days ago

20th Jun 2013 02:34

Thanks morgiepie, mail and small present sent

11 years, 5 months & 17 days ago

11th Jun 2013 21:37

Forgot to reply to number four but ya I would keep reading for sure

11 years, 5 months & 17 days ago

11th Jun 2013 21:24

1.does it go to fast?
I think it's actually fine for speed

2.Is there anything as a reader you want explained immediately? (like things that seem immediately confusing, not like why people are this way or that etc) I want to know why his dad seems like such a jerk and won't let him call him dad.

3. What is your impression of the main character? World? Situation?
I don't quite know how to put into words but I like all three

4. Would you want to keep reading?

5. If so, would you like to see the MC go straight to where he is headed and jump in learning stuff as you go OR would you rather have a flashback the next chapter about what led up to the events of chapter 1
Defiantly need a flash back on what happened here !!! When u write it lemme know and I'll totally read

6. Any particular likes and dislikes, or anything else you would like to bring up!

Really liked your story but I noticed a couple spelling errors like web he leaves office to say bye to his mom u wrote her instead of her and there was one other I forgot but that's about it

other than that really liked it!

11 years, 5 months & 17 days ago

11th Jun 2013 21:23

Thanks McKennaxx I really appreciate it. I sent you a mm reply as well as a little gift

11 years, 5 months & 17 days ago

11th Jun 2013 21:21

1.Does it go too fast? A little at some parts.

2.Is there anything as a reader you want explained immediately? (like things that seem immediately confusing, not like why people are this way or that etc) No. Well maybe why the sister hates her brother so much?

3. What is your impression of the main character? World? Situation?
Well, im not to sure yet.

4. Would you want to keep reading?
yea

5. If so, would you like to see the MC go straight to where he is headed and jump in learning stuff as you go OR would you rather have a flashback the next chapter about what led up to the events of chapter 1? What lend up to chapter one.

6. Any particular likes and dislikes, or anything else you would like to bring up! Yea. Seems like the father could have some sympathy maybe:3

11 years, 5 months & 17 days ago

11th Jun 2013 20:45

Page of 4

The one problem with giving away all your LE's...

20th Apr 2014 08:45

10 years, 7 months & 9 days ago

<3 EEG- Thanks for participating!

4th Apr 2014 10:36