Opinion on fight scene I wrote?
12 years, 8 months & 30 days ago
28th Feb 2012 20:01 Hello ,
So I am completely new with writing fight scenes and have trouble with the most basic stuff. I was just wondering if you would mind reading this excerpt (from a rough first draft) of a basic fight and maybe let me know what it needs, what's good, etc.
Thanks
I put any reluctance behind me and run towards him. He stands his ground, until the last moment, and sends a left hook my way.
I side step but his strike finds my mouth. I stagger back and wipe the blood from my split lip with the back of my hand. He???s faster than I thought.
I throw a punch. He catches hold of my arm, brings it up over his shoulder and twists it. I cry out in pain, and am involuntarily sent back first into the uneven concrete.
???You are letting your emotions get in the way,??? he states firmly.
What is this, a lesson? I pull myself up, ignoring my screaming muscles and stiff joints. I shift my weight forward, plant my feet on the ground and wait.
He strikes left. I turn out of the way, and then drive my elbow into his stomach. He grunts, and backs up. Just as I think I???ve gained ground he grabs my abdomen with both arms and pushes me backwards a few feet. I lose my balance, grab for his arm, but miss. I fall back onto the metal bench, hitting the back of my head.
???Are we done yet???? he asks, panting as much as I am. I take a moment to catch my breath. This is impossible. I can barely touch him.
That's not the whole scene but it gives you an idea. Constructive criticism welcome. XD