The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

I bet you???re wondering how I wound up here in the first place. Well, let me tell you, it wasn???t a fun adventure. I bet you expect me to tell you about how when I was born, my parents were the happiest little people. They expected their precious little darling to be??? Well, just that-- a precious little darling. In fact, they never named me, because they thought it would ruin my image. What a joke. I think they wanted me to be as pure as I could be. My hair is even white, but it???s cut short. I think long hair is for prissy girls, and my parents wish I were one. But, I???m not here to tell you my life story. In fact, Maf??a says I should only write what I think is important. He???s kind of my savior, in a way. But I guess we???ll get to that later.
It all started when I was in Heaven. Yeah, isn???t that a riot? A lot of people believe that life starts on Earth, and you end up in Heaven afterward. It???s like God???s way of saying, ???April Fool???s!??? I guess, because it turns out it???s the complete opposite. Maf??a says that???s because they have no recollection of being anywhere else. That must suck. He says we have no choice but to forget. So I guess eventually, I???ll grow up and go to Earth, too, and I won???t remember anything. At least I didn???t have to plan my life; someone else has already planned it for me and everyone else that???s here waiting to go to Earth. I won???t even remember this story, so I guess it???s a good thing I???m writing it down now.
Anyway, like I was saying. It all started in Heaven. It wasn???t too long ago, just a couple months. I remember I was playing tag with all my friends. I was getting pretty beaten up, to tell you the truth.
Oh, yeah, surprise number two: You aren???t immortal in Heaven. And we don???t look like ghosts, either. We kind of look like... Tiny dolls. Plushy dolls. It???s kind of weird, but I guess you???ll have to use your imagination. We don???t float; we don???t have golden shining halos. If we did, I???d probably gag to death. We???re white, literally. Don???t think of the race, think of the color, like the color of a piece of paper. We???re white in that sense. We don???t wear clothes; we go around naked because nobody has any ???perverse??? body parts anyway. Women do have larger chests than men, but it???s not much, honestly. We don???t even see God. I don???t remember ever seeing Him around, or seeing anyone bow to any other person. I kind of doubt that he???s here, since he clothed Adam and Eve and all. Heaven???s not all it???s cracked up to be. It is nice, but it???s nothing like the people on Earth say it is. You???re not happy all the time; you???re not overwhelmed with joy. You???re just??? You. You???re not born; you???re created by two adult angels. My parents quite literally picked out every detail of my being. Neither of them have white hair, they just decided to give it to me because they wanted ???the perfect daughter???. But, I get off topic so easily. Where was I?
Oh, so, there I was, playing tag with all my friends. We were all really young, only sixteen years old. I was getting really beaten up, running and falling on the clouds. Clouds may look soft and fluffy, but just try falling on one of those things. You???ll cry like a baby. Usually, we???d jump from cloud to cloud, to make things more interesting, even though our parents would scream bloody murder if they ever saw us doing it. Some of my friends would yell too, the older ones. There are bridges from cloud to cloud that we???re supposed to use to get from where we are to where we want to go. No one ever told us why we weren???t supposed to jump, besides obviously the fear of falling off. I guess it makes sense why they didn???t. I can???t imagine that anybody wants to think about it.
That day I was playing tag, the sky was particularly clear, meaning, there weren???t many clouds. However, we were bound and determined to play a game of tag. Some girl tagged me, even though I was running my fastest. So I caught my breath a second, and everyone stared at me, waiting for me to make a move. I remember fake-jumping to the left, and then really running to the right, towards my friend, Adalhard. I tackled him to the ground, honestly. I???m not violent, I???m just competitive. He yelled in pain when he fell, and I kind of felt bad. I could see the anger grow in his eyes. God, it was awful. He wanted major payback. You could tell, you really could. So I got up and ran away from him, to the edge of the cloud, looking for another one to grab onto. Go figure, there weren???t any, not even below me. I guess Adalhard didn???t realize that. I was cornered. He was angry as hell. ???What???dja do that for???? he asked. My lower lip trembled.
???I???m sorry, I???m sorry,??? I repeated myself continuously, staring at his bleeding knees. He didn???t care that I was sorry, I guess. I did look like I???d hurt him pretty bad. He ended up pushing me just a little too hard. I bet you can guess what happened next.
I only remember feeling weightless as I fell off the edge. I saw Adalhard call out to me, and I saw the anger in his eyes vanish. It was replaced by fear. Apparently he knew what happens when you fall off the edge, or he was about to find out. I heard others screaming, too.
I was weightless, terrified, and knew that that was the end of me. I was going to die, all because of a freakin??? game of tag. I figure that???s the most idiotic way to die, maybe only being beaten out by choking on a walnut. It???s kind of depressing, if you think about it.
I remember falling. And falling. And falling. It sucks that that???s the only thing that I remember, because I don???t remember landing. I don???t even remember seeing the ground. I guess I got so bored of falling, I stopped looking for the bottom. Maf??a says it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen -- watching me fall, that is. He says he looked up because he heard something, and I just happened to be there. I say that???s crap. How likely is it that someone just happens to look up and see an angel falling through the sky? He didn???t know what I was, so he ran towards me. What a moron, running towards the Unknown Falling Object. What if I were a deadly bomb or something? He would have died if I had exploded.
He says that I hit the ground head-first. That explains so much, doesn???t it? Well, if I did, I made a hell of a landing site anyway. We pass it when we go on walks, and damn, it???s huge. Needless to say, I survived, and I have no idea how. I know we???re not immortal, so why didn???t I die? I still don???t know the answer to that question.
Anyway, I was knocked out, unconscious. Maf??a says he picked me up and took me to his house, but I beg to differ; I think he dragged me. Not because he???s weak or anything, but because when I woke up, I had these nasty, ugly, brutal scratches on the back of my legs and heels. I guess I should be glad that I did wake up, though.
I woke up first when he was ???carrying??? me. My vision was blurring in and out, in and out. I wondered why I wasn???t dead. I wanted to be dead; it hurt so badly. Every limb, every socket, every part of me just wanted to die; it would have been less painful. I couldn???t speak, but Maf??a says I screamed before I passed out again.
I???m so glad that our first encounter wasn???t awkward or anything. Me screaming in his ear, half passed out, him carrying a complete and total stranger ??? or dragging me, one or the other ??? Oh yeah, not awkward at all.
Anyway, I passed out again. When I woke up, I felt numb. I guess Maf??a thought ahead and had filled me up with painkillers. No pain, but no real feeling, either. My eyes worked again, though, so that was good, even though I couldn???t even feel myself blink. I remember I thought of my mother. I wondered if she knew where I was. I wondered if anyone knew where I was, because I sure as hell didn???t.
I sat myself up as my eyes adjusted to the light. I was sitting on a bed. It wasn???t very comfortable, but it was better than the floor. There wasn???t anyone around, but there was a television on in front of me ??? one of those old-fashioned ones with dials. I???ll say this again: It had dials. I would have laughed at it if I could have at the time. The T.V was playing some movie. It???s funny now that I didn???t consider it odd that I didn???t know the movie; we don???t have a lot of movies in Heaven, and I???m definitely one of those angels that has no problem spending a Friday night at home, watching a movie and overloading on popcorn.
It was unbearably hot. I was sweating so badly. I opened my mouth to see if it hurt, but no, that was numb too. I tried talking, but it???s hard to talk when you can???t feel your mouth, so the only thing that came out of my mouth was nonsense.
I figured if I couldn???t talk, that probably meant I shouldn???t try to move, either. I just stayed sitting up, waiting for someone to walk through the door. I think I dozed off again, because I don???t remember seeing Maf??a walk in. But the next thing I knew, there he was. He was looking down at me, holding my hand. I groaned, waking up again.
He was short, like me. His skin was a burning crimson color, and he had these god-awful wounds all over his body. He looked and still does look like a homicidal maniac. He has a cat???s tail, but at the end of his tail, there are devils horns. He also has these horns sticking out of his head. Totally clich??, I know, but I swear he still has them to this day. He wore a spiky black dog collar; At least, that???s what it looked like. His arms were full of cuts and scratches. He had eye sockets, but no eyes. It was like looking into a never-ending abyss.
I almost gagged when I looked at his stomach. There was a rusty sword stabbed into him, and it seemed like blood would never stop pouring out of the wound. It didn???t gush blood, but it certainly didn???t look like the blood was ever going to dry. He had tattooed a deep brown upside-down crucifix on his chest and some satanic symbol on his forehead. It was worse than I could have ever imagined. Part of his skin and skull were missing, and you could see his brain pumping away inside his head. I swear he is the living symbol of everything that is wrong with the world, not to mention everything that angels are taught to fear.
I wasn???t numb anymore, so the pain had come back. My mouth didn???t hurt too much though, so I tried talking again, though I had to swallow down my breakfast before doing so since looking at him.
???Who are you? Where am I???? I whispered, barely getting the words out. He smiled at me.
???I???m Maf??a. I???m not sure you???ll want to know where you are, little angel,??? he replied. I didn???t like him calling me that. I thought it was pathetic. But I was curious as to why he wouldn???t tell me where I was.
???Tell me where I am. Or else I???ll??? I???ll??? I don???t know what I???ll do, but it won???t be very angel-like.??? I have such a way with words.
He sighed.
???You???re in Hell, silly girl. Haven???t you noticed how hot it is down here????
???Yes, I have. Why aren???t you sweating like I am????
???I???m used to it.???
It took awhile to sink in what the situation was. I had figured that I had landed in hell, but I was definitely in denial. Me, an angel, in Hell. I almost laughed at the irony, and I did laugh, even though it hurt.
I knew I was just laughing to try to cover up what I was really feeling. I was scared. I???d only heard horrible things about this place. I almost flinched away from the touch of Maf??a???s hand. Not only was it hot, but I was worried about being demonized now that I knew where I was. I guess Maf??a sensed my fear, because he tried to comfort me.
???Don???t worry. Things here aren???t so bad,??? he said.
Suddenly, I wanted to cry. I missed everyone already. I didn???t care how long I???d been here, I just wanted out. I missed Mother and Father. I missed my playmates, even Adalhard. I could imagine them throwing some funeral for me, bawling. I could even imagine Mother sobbing to Adalhard, asking him why he did it. I imagined Father, the pure fury in his eyes.
I didn???t like to think about it. It gave me the chills, or at least it would have had I not been in Hell. I didn???t like the thought of being the reason why people in Heaven would fight, cry, or feel remorse.
Maf??a interrupted my train of thought and misery. He did something really unexpected; he hugged me. I was surprised at first. Actually, I was surprised for the entire time. I always heard that devils were evil and uncaring creatures. It made me wonder what circle of hell we were in. Maybe the first circle wasn???t so bad. ???There has to be a way for me to get back to Heaven,??? I half-stated, half-asked. Maf??a shook his head.
???No, once you fall, you???re here until it???s time to go to Earth.???
I won???t lie and say that this news didn???t surprise me. It knocked the hell out of my heart, or I guess it knocked the hell into my heart. You???d never seen a person become suicidal so quickly. I guess I???m kind of dramatic that way.
Basically, I pushed him away from me out of anger. That wasn???t the answer I wanted to hear, and he knew it. I slowly made my way off the bed. Everything still hurt like crazy, but I didn???t even care. I was able to move. He watched as I made my way to the door, and out to the hallway.
I started searching for the kitchen. Eventually, I found it, even though it was a tiny little thing. It wasn???t even its own room, in a way. It was just an attachment to the dining room. It???s not that in Heaven or Hell we need food at all, or water for that matter. We only eat and drink if it???s a special occasion. But I was on a mission.
So, I stumbled my way into the kitchen. Maf??a followed me close behind and watched me cautiously. I guess he sensed that something bad was about to happen. I opened all the kitchen drawers until I found a knife, and Maf??a gasped as I held it up. He grabbed for it but missed, and ended up cutting his palm.
???You won???t even give this place a chance? What???s wrong with you? You???re an angel, for Christ???s sake,??? he yelled, grabbing his palm with his other hand.
???How could you ever understand what I???m feeling or what I???m like? Heaven may not be the most amazing place ever, but I know it???s better than Hell by a long shot. You???re a creature of Hell, you could never understand that in Heaven, we have feelings, and care for each other!??? I screamed back. He started rubbing his palms, like rubbing it would make the blood stop.
???You???re so stupid. You think you???re better than me because of where you were born???? he asked. It stung when he said that. I felt like he was insulting me. I grew angry.
???Would you live here if you had any other choice? I know how horrible it is here. Don???t think I haven???t heard stories about the murderers, the mental, and all the other people that come here. You???re all going to be murderers when you go to Earth. I would rather end it here than turn into one of you.???
He was pretty shocked when I said that, and so was I. I???m not usually so harsh, plus I was amazed I could get that much out of my mouth without collapsing. I was really pushing my luck in terms of physical ability, notoriously quick healer or not. Nonetheless, I held the knife up, aiming for my chest. I closed my eyes and counted to three in my head.
I never made it to three. Maf??a grabbed the knife itself and pulled it out of my hand. It must have hurt something awful, because he cried out in pain. I opened my eyes in surprise. The blood from his palm started dripping heavily onto the floor. I ran looking for a towel. Eventually I found one, and I covered his hand with it.
???You idiot,??? I yelled. ???You could have killed yourself!???
???As could you! Look, call me crazy, but I think I was destined to meet you. And if that???s the case, I???m not just about to let you up and leave because of the rumors you???ve heard about Hell. Give this place a chance; I know you won???t regret it. Living here is better than not living at all. And I know that if you end your life, I will be joining you shortly. So, let???s not go down this path again, alright????
I didn???t understand why he would kill himself just because I would kill myself. I didn???t mean anything to him. He was a creature of hell, why did he care? Was all that I learned about this place untrue? I needed so much time to think it all through.
He looked at me with pleading eyes. I sighed, and nodded.
???I need time to think. So, I won???t kill myself yet.???
???That???s a start, I suppose.???
We cleaned his wound, and I held his hand like my life depended on it. Hey, let???s face it; my life did depend on it. I was so afraid of being alone, and I was glad Maf??a was there. I just hoped that Hell wasn???t as bad as I thought it???d be.
So, I didn???t kill myself then, or any other time. Nothing relatively important happened after that, other than the fact that Maf??a was dead-set towards showing me a good time during my life in Hell. Of course, Maf??a was right when he said Hell is nothing like I???d heard about in Heaven. It???s actually not that bad, and I???ve grown used to living here. The people are all different, that???s one of the things I love about it. Different colors, different shapes, different species, from blue devil hounds to brown demons.
Surprisingly, the buildings aren???t too different from what???s at home, either. I don???t know why I ever imagined some ghetto horrible place when Hell isn???t even that awful at all. None of the stories I???d ever heard were true. I guess it???s because nobody has ever been able to go to Heaven and tell them about what Hell is truly like. We???re not allowed, but I don???t mind it.
I still have nightmares about becoming a murderer, and about my friends and family, but Maf??a says those will eventually pass. I???m not even all that mad at Adalhard anymore. I know he didn???t mean to hurt me. It???s kind of funny how some people you deem insignificant can change your life. I guess the road to hell is paved with good intentions.