LOL


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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (submitted by loveya1234)
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to? (submitted by loveya1234)
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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Love me or leave me. Hey! Where's everybody going?? (submitted by loveya1234)
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It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Why does mineral water "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year? (submitted by loveya1234)
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If you stole a pen from the bank is it classified as a bank robbery? (submitted by loveya1234)
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I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer - then it hit me. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Roses are red, violets are blue. Who cares - so are crayons. (submitted by loveya1234)
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What do you call a female daddy long legs? (submitted by loveya1234)
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Last night I dreamed I ate a ten pound marshmallow and when I woke up the pillow was gone. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Unite against togetherness! (submitted by loveya1234)
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Quitting smoking is easy - I've done it a hundred times. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? (submitted by loveya1234)
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Excuse me, but I think my karma just ran over your dogma. (submitted by loveya1234)
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Your village called, their idiot is missing. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright. (submitted by loveya1234)
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It's not that I am anti-social. I just don't like you. (submitted by loveya1234)
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Now I understand why some animals eat their young! (submitted by loveya1234)
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I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet. (submitted by loveya1234)
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If you need space join NASA! (submitted by loveya1234)
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Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling! (submitted by loveya1234)
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Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate! (submitted by neomaraneomara)
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Coffee isn't my cup of tea. (submitted by tastymuffins)
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect! (submitted by tastymuffins)
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He who laughs last didn't get the joke. (submitted by tastymuffins)
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Never go to bed angry... stay up and plot your revenge. (submitted by giggles99)
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When life gives you lemons, throw them back and say you want oranges. (submitted by giggles99)
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If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, why try? (submitted by XxcatsxmaruxX)
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I believe in free will - I have no choice. (submitted by Scooterb)
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If I throw a stick will you go away? (submitted by lilaj378)
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If a tree falls in a forest on a mime and no one is around, does he scream? (submitted by lilaj378)
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I'm just a chocolate bar... sweet but half nuts! (submitted by lilaj378)
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Do not follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls. (submitted by Desmothsenes)
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Being stupid isn't a bad thing, you're just overdoing it. (submitted by babygirl1721)
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If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? (submitted by timburtonlover15)
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What happens if you get scared half to death twice? (submitted by timburtonlover15)
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? (submitted by timburtonlover15)
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If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of... OMG! (submitted by 2fleas)
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People who live in glass houses should dress in the basement.
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You have the Midas touch - everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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What was the greatest thing BEFORE sliced bread?
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
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What's another word for thesaurus?
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A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
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What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
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All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
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They told me I was gullible. And I believed them.
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A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, First let me see the sandwich.
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Experience is the one thing you have left when everything else is gone.
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I had amnesia once. Or twice.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
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Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
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What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
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How can there be self-help groups?
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
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Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
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Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
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How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
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How does Teflon stick to the pan?
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How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
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I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
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I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
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I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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If you lend someone 20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
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If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
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It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
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The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
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The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
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There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
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There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
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What's the speed of dark?
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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Why is abbreviation such a long word?
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Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
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You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
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You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
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My goal in life is to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
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To err is human; to arr is pirate.
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I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
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Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you're interrupting.
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