1. Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
2. What???s another word for synonym?
3. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
4. If Barbie is so popular, then why do we have to buy her friends?
5. What happens if you get scared half to death??? twice?
6. If you can???t repair the brakes, make the horn louder.
7. ???Everything has a purpose", she said for no reason at all.
8. I haven't lost my mind. It's backed up on a disc somewhere???
9. What is a "free gift?" Aren't gifts already free?
10. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
11. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
12. Before they invented "drawing boards" what did they go back to?
13. Chaos, panic & disorder...My work here is done.
14. Don't drink and drive, you might spill your drink.
15. Hard work never hurt anybody, but why even take the chance?
16. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, then I ain't going.
17. Fall in love? I'd rather fall in chocolate.
18. Friends don't set friends on fire.
19. ???Operator! Quick, give me the number for 911!!???
20. Canyouhelpmefixthespacebaronmykeyboard?
21. Whatdoesthatlongbaratthebottomofmykeyboarddo?
22. Never raise your hand to your kids; it leaves your lower half unprotected.
23. I wonder how deep the ocean would be, without sponges.
24. How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
25. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
26. It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say, and don't say it.
27. There are 3 types of people in this world- those who can count and those who can't.
28. Before you criticize someone- walk a mile in their shoes. That way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and barefoot.
29. I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friend wouldn't talk to me???
30. He broke my heart; I broke his PS3. Who do you think cried harder?
31. If you make something idiot-proof, He will make better idiots.
32. Life is not a Game.
33. I swear to drunk I'm not God.
34. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
35. Humpty Dumpty was pushed!
36. Sticks and stones may... Oh, gosh he has a gun!
37. You say plz because it's shorter than please, I say no because it's shorter than y
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