female comebacks - I read this and found some of them funny.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
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Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
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Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
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Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
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Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
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Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
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Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today
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Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
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Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
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If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost
this....
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If you don't resend this then your love life will be [[doomed]] for eternity.
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CHICKS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks"
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DUDES REPOST THIS AS "don't let this happen"

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" - but then you'd relent, and roll me over for a bellyrub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be.

I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

N

a girl went to a party and
she ended up staying longer than
planned,
and
had to walk home alone. She wasn't
afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only
a
few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm
trees,
Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm
and
danger.
When she reached the alley, which was a
short
cut to her house, she
decided to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she
noticed
a
man standing at the end as though he
were
waiting
for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking
for
God's protection.
Instantly a comforting feeling of
quietness
and
security wrapped round her, she felt as
though
someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley,
she
walked right past the man and arrived
home
safely.
The following day, she read in
the
newspaper
that
a young girl had been in the same
alley
just
twenty minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
the
fact
that it could have been her, she began to
weep.
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
help
this
young woman, she decided to go to the
police
station.
She felt she could recognize the man, so
she
told
them her story.
The police asked her if she would
be
willing to
look
at a lineup to see if
she could identify
him.
She agreed and immediately pointed out
the
man
she had seen in the alley the night
before.
When the man was told he had been
identified,
he
immediately broke down and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
and
asked if there was anything they could do
for
her.
She asked if they would ask the man one
question.
Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked
her.
When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't
alone.
She
had
two tall men walking on both sides of
her."
Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're
never
alone. Did you know that 98% of
teenagers
will not stand up for God?
Repost this as (your city) if you truly
believe
in
God..

PS: God is alw